Monday, August 24, 2015

GREAT MOMENTS IN PUNK ROCK HISTORY #666

The Dicks - Saturday Night At The Book Store

"I'm in love with a god damn glory hole
and you're on the other side of it!
Tell your fat wife,
tell your fucking wife, faggot!"

Sure this looking nothing like Gary Floyd, but like all of my drawings I was drunk as fuck when I drew it!

Saturday, August 22, 2015

I WILL NOT PLAY IN A BAND WITH SOMEONE THAT...

 Recently some guy asked me to start a band with him, he said it would be great and we could do a punk, metal, & rock ‘n roll thing. “Fuck that!” I thought to myself, he then told me that we would sound really good, “Like I give a fuck or two shits about sounding good!”

 In this point in my life I don’t have enough time to start a band, fuck I don’t even know when I am going to have a day off, but that is not the reason I didn’t want to start a band with this guy. The truth is I didn’t want to be in a band with someone that loves Jesus, listens to Slipknot, wants some pussy, & most importantly is sober. Yes, he told me all of these things over the course of five minutes… He expanded on the pussy thing by telling me he only started jamming to get laid.

 I told him nicely that I don’t have the time, but he insisted that I jam with him & he even told someone I was in his band, which is embarrassing to me since I don’t hang out with squares.
With that written this is a fun yet informative guide to what type of person I will not Rock ‘n Roll with!

Monday, March 23, 2015

Why I don't Miss Playing In A Band...


Quite often I am asked if I miss playing in a band, & I usually say, “fuck no!” & these are some of the reasons why.
A)     I don’t miss other musicians relationship problems, from woman that have overly protective boyfriends that hate them playing in a band with a bunch of dudes, to the pedophile that gets 15 year old girls pregnant. Also your girlfriend that complains that you don’t spend enough time with her can go fuck herself.
B)      I don’t miss musicians and their great “ideas”. For the record I don’t give 2 fucks about “making it” I want to make music & anything else positive that comes along with it is a bonus. I don’t want to put shit in a song that people like, I hate those people… Also, don’t tell me how to make my song better, because all the songs you write sound like shit. Fuck you, I don’t want to sound like Avenged Sevenfold or make Hatefucks basketball jerseys
C)      I don’t miss musicians and their drug problems. I don’t give a fuck if you do drugs, but I work and have a family so I don’t have time to waste on the drama that comes along with you self-medicating. It is obvious you are mentally ill, get some therapy, & at this point I don’t really give a fuck if you commit suicide,
D)     I don’t miss musicians and their financial problems. For fuck sake we can forgive the fact that you never have a dime to put into a band related expense, but fuck you for pawning you equipment to buy drugs. Sure this has a lot to do with “C” but so fucking what, go fuck yourself… fuck you for having the nerve to ask me to buy you a beer.

Fuck, I could go on...

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

There Are Bands That Everyone Seems To Love But Me...


...while they want to rock out to these band's sounds I want to barf!

Usually, I try to focus my attention on things I like, especially art wise, but I felt it would be fun to spread some negativity. With that said/written whether I like a band or not I can still appreciate that they are out there creating shit.

KISS - I hate this band, their shtick, & their giant fan base of nostalgic rockers that wished they owned a Trans Am in the early 80's. For the most part I hate heavy metal music and the culture of androgynous homophobic coke snorting dick heads that grew up to fuck "bitches" and vote Republican.

Melvins - I like the idea of liking the Melvins, but they are just too slow for me. I am sure not being a fan of Black Sabbath would suggest I wouldn't like this band, but I still picked up Ozma when it was released. About twice a year I will read something that makes me want to give the Melvins another listen, I have been trying for about 25 years, maybe next year...

Tim Berry - I love AVAIL, but I hate folk music. To me, this singer/song writer folk thing is the guitar solo of what ever era we are in, just minus the blow & hot chicks. Sure, I would never say this to Tim Berry's face, he looks like he works out & could probably kick my ass.

Meat Puppets - Sure no one likes them any more but in the 80's and 90's people sure did. Their first 7" and LP were good but the rest sucked shit, this also applies to Die Kreuzen. People swear by Meat Puppets II and sure it has it's moments, but I am more inclined to blast Dolphin Field off of the In A Car 7"...

Voi Vod - I like the way people describe this band & I want to feel the same, but I don't. I have tried since the 80's to get into them. I recently saw Voi Vod play with Napalm Death at the Oakland Metro, I listened for about thirty seconds before I went to the side area where you can drink a beer in peace.