GREAT MOMENTS IN PUNK ROCK HISTORY #666

The Dicks - Saturday Night At The Book Store

"I'm in love with a god damn glory hole
and you're on the other side of it!
Tell your fat wife,
tell your fucking wife, faggot!"

Sure this looking nothing like Gary Floyd, but like all of my drawings I was drunk as fuck when I drew it!

I WILL NOT PLAY IN A BAND WITH SOMEONE THAT...

 Recently some guy asked me to start a band with him, he said it would be great and we could do a punk, metal, & rock ‘n roll thing. “Fuck that!” I thought to myself, he then told me that we would sound really good, “Like I give a fuck or two shits about sounding good!”

 In this point in my life I don’t have enough time to start a band, fuck I don’t even know when I am going to have a day off, but that is not the reason I didn’t want to start a band with this guy. The truth is I didn’t want to be in a band with someone that loves Jesus, listens to Slipknot, wants some pussy, & most importantly is sober. Yes, he told me all of these things over the course of five minutes… He expanded on the pussy thing by telling me he only started jamming to get laid.

 I told him nicely that I don’t have the time, but he insisted that I jam with him & he even told someone I was in his band, which is embarrassing to me since I don’t hang out with squares.

With that written this is a fun yet informative guide to what type of person I will not Rock ‘n Roll with!

Why I don't Miss Playing In A Band...

Quite often I am asked if I miss playing in a band, & I usually say, “fuck no!” & these are some of the reasons why.

A)     I don’t miss other musicians relationship problems, from woman that have overly protective boyfriends that hate them playing in a band with a bunch of dudes, to the pedophile that gets 15 year old girls pregnant. Also your girlfriend that complains that you don’t spend enough time with her can go fuck herself.

B)      I don’t miss musicians and their great “ideas”. For the record I don’t give 2 fucks about “making it” I want to make music & anything else positive that comes along with it is a bonus. I don’t want to put shit in a song that people like, I hate those people… Also, don’t tell me how to make my song better, because all the songs you write sound like shit. Fuck you, I don’t want to sound like Avenged Sevenfold or make Hatefucks basketball jerseys

C)      I don’t miss musicians and their drug problems. I don’t give a fuck if you do drugs, but I work and have a family so I don’t have time to waste on the drama that comes along with you self-medicating. It is obvious you are mentally ill, get some therapy, & at this point I don’t really give a fuck if you commit suicide,

D)     I don’t miss musicians and their financial problems. For fuck sake we can forgive the fact that you never have a dime to put into a band related expense, but fuck you for pawning you equipment to buy drugs. Sure this has a lot to do with “C” but so fucking what, go fuck yourself… fuck you for having the nerve to ask me to buy you a beer.

Fuck, I could go on...

There Are Bands That Everyone Seems To Love But Me...

...while they want to rock out to these band's sounds I want to barf!

Usually, I try to focus my attention on things I like, especially art wise, but I felt it would be fun to spread some negativity. With that said/written whether I like a band or not I can still appreciate that they are out there creating shit.

KISS - I hate this band, their shtick, & their giant fan base of nostalgic rockers that wished they owned a Trans Am in the early 80's. For the most part I hate heavy metal music and the culture of androgynous homophobic coke snorting dick heads that grew up to fuck "bitches" and vote Republican.

Melvins - I like the idea of liking the Melvins, but they are just too slow for me. I am sure not being a fan of Black Sabbath would suggest I wouldn't like this band, but I still picked up Ozma when it was released. About twice a year I will read something that makes me want to give the Melvins another listen, I have been trying for about 25 years, maybe next year...

Tim Berry - I love AVAIL, but I hate folk music. To me, this singer/song writer folk thing is the guitar solo of what ever era we are in, just minus the blow & hot chicks. Sure, I would never say this to Tim Berry's face, he looks like he works out & could probably kick my ass.

Meat Puppets - Sure no one likes them any more but in the 80's and 90's people sure did. Their first 7" and LP were good but the rest sucked shit, this also applies to Die Kreuzen. People swear by Meat Puppets II and sure it has it's moments, but I am more inclined to blast Dolphin Field off of the In A Car 7"...

Voi Vod - I like the way people describe this band & I want to feel the same, but I don't. I have tried since the 80's to get into them. I recently saw Voi Vod play with Napalm Death at the Oakland Metro, I listened for about thirty seconds before I went to the side area where you can drink a beer in peace. 

Do You Have A Vacancy For A Pig Fucker?

As I get older the more I hate people that insist on having sexual relations with pigs... this is a drawing of my coworker Reina getting fucked by a Babe... for the record Independence by Toxic Reasons is an amazing album!  

Ottie Von Bismark

I decided to try something different today, instead of getting drunk & drawing something, I thought I would give sober drawing a shot, so here is how it came out. Hmmm, no penises, nothing depressing, the futility of work is absent …etc. Just my best friend Ottie! He is a handsome terrier… sadly this drawing does him absolutely no justice.

Since I can't punch my coworker Reina, I will get drunk and draw her doing what she does best...

 I work with a pig fucker named Reina. Reina is the typical work place coward that relies on passive aggressive comments, because she can't just straight up say shit, if she is called out, she is always "just joking". I often wonder if she sucks my boss's cock or has done so in the past, because why would anyone in their right mind keep a pig fucker around that starts so much shit, everyone I work with has a story about Reina's verbal and emotional abuse. Recently after one of Reina's verbal abuse sessions I contemplated punching her, her reaction to me shaking with rage was to ask if I was on my period. I am sure if asked, she will say that my coworkers & I are too "sensitive", I am so sick of working with someone that takes pride in making people cry. I guess it is time to start looking for something else...

Corporate Rock Still Sucks.

 In a world where just about everything is for sale, there is something liberating about being a part of something that is not for sale! Recently Punk Rock Bowling was in town, which is always a reminder why I hated heavy metal music in the 80's. I totally get that it is difficult to exists in this world without a corporate cock leaving a dent or two in tomorrows turds, but should punks willingly guide that corporate cock into their anus so that "punk" bands can be another tourist attraction? Maybe I am not one to talk I work in the tourism industry... growing up in Las Vegas punk rock was my escape from the job in the casino I was born to have. Many punks will fight to shove that corporate tit, clit, butthole, or cock in their mouth for a buck or two. As I grow older I grow increasingly more thankful of the bands, artists, zines, bands, or whatever that reject that shit! I am sure this rant doesn't make sense, but when I was walking around work bored as fuck it sure as fuck did, & now that I am drunk and listening to the Tiltwheel tune Can't Remember Shit it sure seems like a good idea! 

As A Fat Fuck That Loves Records, I Got To Say, Fuck Picture Discs...

currently I am listening to the Ministry tune Every Day I am too drunk to explain why I prefer the regular vinyl version over the more "collectible" picture disc version

#1) I don't give a fuck if a record is collectible
#2)  I like looking at the sleeve, reading the song titles, & reading whatever information is given, especially if it has awesome bonus art!
#3) give me the least valuable version of your release, this shit is an audio investment not a financial one
#4) looking at that shit while shit is spinning is fucked up!
#5) I am even drunker than when I first drew this shit

Speaking In Code #666

When a skinhead says, "I'm not political!" What they really mean is that their politics are more in line with your batshit crazy grandma in Arizona & not the "homos" in the Bay Area!